you know how this works.

I am wondering when the hell am I going to get a good week because right now I am getting accustomed to this bad week(ssss) arrangement. And I keep losing things on top of that. The first week the bad weeks started happening, I lost that mother-daughter distance immunity mechanism. The one where you shut up about things you don't know about your mother but you strangely don't mind it being that way. Some people never lose it in fact. I don't know whether that is a good thing or not. Then the following week, I don't know what happened and why and how but I lost a friend but that bit still remains a grey area so I have nothing to explain or present or defend. And this week I lost something more tangible, my pencil case and my student ID and my USB and my Shaker pencil which I highly prize. Normally I'm not a very careless person so this makes me mad. As to the other weeks, I'm not usually a reckless person and I would like to believe that on both circumstances I was being tactful and as truthful as I could stretch myself to be.

On top of things going helter skelter, I am starting to think there is something slightly wrong with me.

The End

PS If you responsible for giving me this bad week curse hoodoo voodoo, I think I may really hate you. I am sorry I don't believe in you but I have hateful feelings and it's a sin? I want more than this and it's a sin? I sleep too much and sometimes find it extremely hard to get out of bed and start the day and it's sin? Then again, I should not have to explain why I don't believe. Same goes for faith. You're not supposed to question it, just believe. Fair enough.

I am so angry.
!!!

Spelling everything out.

Things have changed, it doesn't take a dimwit to know that. However what a dimwit might not know is that I am not happy about that.

I realised that I have a talent for being MIA. If you do not know what it means, it stands for Missing In Action, okay? And of course I do not mean it literally. This has incidentally become one of my weaknesses (full of it, pffft). I am that person who doesn't call, never believed in "Lets keep in touch!" and well, I'm just always missing. Not that I like it really. Sometimes I sit down and in one of those rare occasions realise what an amazingly horrible person I am but I get over it. Accumulation of the same sort of feelings they call it. This doesn't reflect very nicely on how I was brought up sadly because my own mother has never been able to fathom why I turned out as such. She and the rest of my siblings aren't as cold and indifferent most of the time. Moving away from the family, I know that this slight problem has nothing to do with them.

I strongly dislike Friendster and Facebook and one of those virtual social network things simply because it requires some degree of commitment to keep in touch with friends, from the present and past. Strangely enough, it seems like a hostile idea to me. I deleted Friendster after I left high school for the stated reasons. You see, unlike what they say; that history is just one fucking thing after another, I dissent and maintain that all events and periods and phases are detached entities and should arguably stay that way.

The only thing that has managed to etch into my head from the last weeks or so was sitting in a lecture and hearing the lecturer say that one of the faltering traits of the legal profession and means and ways of pursuing it (the law education included) is that it gradually changes you to be more conservative. I am not quite sure about what to say about that but the thought scares me.

I find it increasingly comfortable and reassuring being stuck in the Law library alone and it is raining outside. As the nice lady who drew blood from me a week ago said, somehow unconsciously I do like to punish myself. It's nice being alone with my books here but it won't hurt to talk to nice people. I have met a lot of nice people in my life I've realised but the only slight problem is that they don't stay around. Today could possibly be the day that I have spoken the least.

I hate change because I start to change. Fuck.


But I never lied when I was 17. I've only started now.

i don't want to see you as the next in line.

I love grey days like these. It's always nice to be indoors in such weather. The exams being over makes it even more perfect.

I was lying down listening to Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and have decided that it shall be my Theme Song for the 2007 Exams, Semester 1. Then, 2006, Semester 2 Theme Song started playing and I became sad again. Today was a funny and happy and sad day. I thought that I would be struggling to focus during the exam prior to what happened before I entered the hall but no, I was all right, the paper was all right and heck it even smelt good, where I was sitting (the previous papers, I have been stuck in BO Zone or something and I am very fearful and intolerable of BO). Then again, I am highly skilled in focussing when it is time to which includes pushing everything and everyone aside. But I cannot deny that I was a tad bit distracted throughout the first essay I was writing. But that's all right....I suppose.

Wow. I am really not enthusiastic about home this time. Somewhere, I am subconsciously thinking up of 1001 Ways of Missing A Plane. There's not much to see and do, not much that I can give over there and I know for a fact that there is nothing to offer me over there. Wow. Still not enthusiastic.

Sometimes I think I am too idealistic.

So that's why / I won't wake you where you lie
If I could now / I'd freeze time
I can't find forever in your eyes,
I should leave you while they're dry.

I heard from somebody who heard you say

"She's funny, sweet and kind. Difficult and harsh sometimes but she gets me. The fights, the things we say when we are... but it's all worth it in the end. And it may be winter where she is but it's always winter here; until she calls and says 'hello' in her million different accents."

HAHA so cheesy! And juvenile! And tacky! And shoddy! And to an extent, dodgy! (Why didn't you tell me when I asked what you said!) But in a nice pull-shirt-over-heater-after-every-five-minutes-of-studying (TRY IT!) way. (:

3 more!

Rock Steady and Crazy Hippie Fools - Part I

I reckon I will do something like this again so here's Part I of the series.

10 of The Worst Songs in Music History

1. (Love Is) Thicker Than Water - Andy Gibb (from that annoying yappy brothers band which warrants a Top 10 Stupid Band Names title)

Love is like the wind/Love is the fire that keeps me going/Love is a breath of fresh air... yeah yeah okay, I get it.
But love is thicker than water?!?! Water; transparent and filling up anything you pour it into and not being to hold it with your hands and wet and all that. Water?!?!
Fair enough, wind/fire/air - you've got all your elements there... You crazy hippie fool!

2. Xanadu - Olivia Newton John

What? Is that the neighbouring third world country of Kokomo?

3. Sometimes - Britney Spears

You want to run, you want to hide, you're SCARED but all you really want is to hold him tight?

MAKE UP YOUR MIND WOMAN! But awww it is Britney Spears after all, damn. If it wasn't for Trent... but hey I Understand.

4. Making Love Out Of Nothing At All - Air Supply

I love Air Supply and all but

I can make the run or stumble,
I can make the final block;
And I can make every tackle, at the sound of the whistle,
I can make all the stadiums rock.
I can make tonight forever,
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn;
And I can make you every promise that has ever been made,
And I can make all your demons be gone.

Huh. Love is football, I am your football superstar. Mygodddddddddddd.

5. Space Cowboy (Yippi-Yiy-Yay)

I don't know where to start.
- Here it comes, Millenia/And everybody's talking about Jerusalem HAHAHAHA Whaaaaaaat is that supposed to mean?
- Space Cowboys...??? You crazy hippie fools!


Yeah I went to find the worst photo ever.

You know why Justin Timberlake is so super cool now? The stint in *NSYNC was too cruel and painful and painfully and cruelly embarrassing. It's called reputation, man.

6. Milkshake - Kelis

Erm, I think I'll stick to soy milk, thanks.

7. Barbie Girl - Aqua

You can touch, you can play, undress me everywhere... Oh God forbid.

Which is funny cos Janice, Justina and me heard this song today and we realised just how wrong it was. Wow. So, so wrong.


Cool! Look at Justin Timberlake from NSYNC!

8. L-O-V-E - Ashlee Simpson

Okay, she's talking about Lolololove. Now, what is that? Oh, that's just the way my sister speaks. But then again, half of what your younger sister listens to is trash anyway. Plus Ashlee sounds like a man in that song. And I don't suppose anyone would feel 'Love' from listening to the song.

9. Lips Of An Angel - Hinder

He is such a poseur, seriously. And stop blaming the girl in the next room! 'Sometimes I wish she was you' ?!?! I KILL YOU UNTIL YOU DIE! Ummm. I digress. Not that I suffer from these issues but this song just makes me so angry!

10. You're Beautiful - James Blunt

If our mothers know how to sing the song in falsetto and know for a fact that it was 'fucking high' and not 'flying high' (?!?!), then this song is so WRONG.



Part II coming soon!

Tiny Little Fractures

Symmetry is such a lovely thing. Who remembers the urge to complete everything half-done that you come across? A half coloured picture, or a half drawn sketch. And against better judgment, even things there are already whole. Then again, the whole theme of Completeness (or Incompleteness) is relevant to everyone.

When did you start feeling complete? How did you find out you were incomplete in the first place? Some people make it through life being messy anyway. We all look so desperate, showing guidance that we lack. And then we all get so wistful, thinking it is safer to hold back. We might not need help after all if we live in our heads.

So, are we here to go find what completes us? Because I am starting to see the ghosts of this game of hide and seek that I gave up too early.

But no. We’re nearly there.

Where will you look for me?

all we can do is keep breathing.

I lied.
I want you to change save me.