Spelling everything out.
Things have changed, it doesn't take a dimwit to know that. However what a dimwit might not know is that I am not happy about that.
I realised that I have a talent for being MIA. If you do not know what it means, it stands for Missing In Action, okay? And of course I do not mean it literally. This has incidentally become one of my weaknesses (full of it, pffft). I am that person who doesn't call, never believed in "Lets keep in touch!" and well, I'm just always missing. Not that I like it really. Sometimes I sit down and in one of those rare occasions realise what an amazingly horrible person I am but I get over it. Accumulation of the same sort of feelings they call it. This doesn't reflect very nicely on how I was brought up sadly because my own mother has never been able to fathom why I turned out as such. She and the rest of my siblings aren't as cold and indifferent most of the time. Moving away from the family, I know that this slight problem has nothing to do with them.
I strongly dislike Friendster and Facebook and one of those virtual social network things simply because it requires some degree of commitment to keep in touch with friends, from the present and past. Strangely enough, it seems like a hostile idea to me. I deleted Friendster after I left high school for the stated reasons. You see, unlike what they say; that history is just one fucking thing after another, I dissent and maintain that all events and periods and phases are detached entities and should arguably stay that way.
The only thing that has managed to etch into my head from the last weeks or so was sitting in a lecture and hearing the lecturer say that one of the faltering traits of the legal profession and means and ways of pursuing it (the law education included) is that it gradually changes you to be more conservative. I am not quite sure about what to say about that but the thought scares me.
I find it increasingly comfortable and reassuring being stuck in the Law library alone and it is raining outside. As the nice lady who drew blood from me a week ago said, somehow unconsciously I do like to punish myself. It's nice being alone with my books here but it won't hurt to talk to nice people. I have met a lot of nice people in my life I've realised but the only slight problem is that they don't stay around. Today could possibly be the day that I have spoken the least.
I hate change because I start to change. Fuck.
But I never lied when I was 17. I've only started now.
I realised that I have a talent for being MIA. If you do not know what it means, it stands for Missing In Action, okay? And of course I do not mean it literally. This has incidentally become one of my weaknesses (full of it, pffft). I am that person who doesn't call, never believed in "Lets keep in touch!" and well, I'm just always missing. Not that I like it really. Sometimes I sit down and in one of those rare occasions realise what an amazingly horrible person I am but I get over it. Accumulation of the same sort of feelings they call it. This doesn't reflect very nicely on how I was brought up sadly because my own mother has never been able to fathom why I turned out as such. She and the rest of my siblings aren't as cold and indifferent most of the time. Moving away from the family, I know that this slight problem has nothing to do with them.
I strongly dislike Friendster and Facebook and one of those virtual social network things simply because it requires some degree of commitment to keep in touch with friends, from the present and past. Strangely enough, it seems like a hostile idea to me. I deleted Friendster after I left high school for the stated reasons. You see, unlike what they say; that history is just one fucking thing after another, I dissent and maintain that all events and periods and phases are detached entities and should arguably stay that way.
The only thing that has managed to etch into my head from the last weeks or so was sitting in a lecture and hearing the lecturer say that one of the faltering traits of the legal profession and means and ways of pursuing it (the law education included) is that it gradually changes you to be more conservative. I am not quite sure about what to say about that but the thought scares me.
I find it increasingly comfortable and reassuring being stuck in the Law library alone and it is raining outside. As the nice lady who drew blood from me a week ago said, somehow unconsciously I do like to punish myself. It's nice being alone with my books here but it won't hurt to talk to nice people. I have met a lot of nice people in my life I've realised but the only slight problem is that they don't stay around. Today could possibly be the day that I have spoken the least.
I hate change because I start to change. Fuck.
But I never lied when I was 17. I've only started now.
posted by delfinaaa | 11:06 PM
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